Thursday, April 20, 2006
its been a long time. anyway.
i'm feeling so lost now. every breath i take in now feels like i breathed in a whole gallon of carbon monoxide. yet i dont die. school's freaking me out. exams are drawing near. and i'm not confident of myself.
boo.life is just difficult. every step i take is a risk. who knows what would happen if you turned around and wait. or walked a step ahead.
on tuesday.. mommy told me something. she said my i missed my dad's birthday. ): i guess i have been taking it for granted all these years.. he used to call me to ask if i remembered. and i always claimed i did. now things are different. no more calls from him. no more daddy's love.
I BLAME MYSELF. for not treasuring the phone calls by him in the past. now i sit and wait by the motionless phone. i want to call him i do. but i dont want to seem desperate. he's let me down and thats the way it is. he should be making up to me. and not the other way round.
does he take me for granted? like a doll.. just to be toyed around. i never knew i'v been hurting so much. i never knew i treasured the love i once had.i feel like breaking down evrytime i see a happy family walk by me. i feel the loss. i need a daddy.
SELFISH SELFISH ME.
sarah writes/ 4/20/2006 02:08:00 PM
