somehow i feel i'm leaving something behind.

went to church in the morning yesterday.. then tuayi bought me my first ever holy bible. (=
then went to taka and into this teochew restruant with bloody good food. ate like a buffolo. then went round taka looking at stuff. then went into coffee bean for coffee.
came home and i started reading the bible.. then mummy called us , said she wanted to go marina square. so we went. shopped a bit then went home.

why do i feel like i'm missing out so much.
i tell myself i'm allowing things to change.
make myself forget. yet at the same time, i hope for so much more.
i hurt everytime something goes astray.

SCHOOLS OUT!

and i must say i'll miss school life. the daily routines, the draggy mornings the tiring days. and now , for one whole month i'll be free as a bird!!! cool eh?
anyway, miss wendy tan is leaving us )= i'm so gonna miss her la! she's the one that completes 310. the homecoming day stall would be a complete disaster without her!!
the sweetest thing is that she actually gave each of the 29 students in our class a hand drawn cum written card with out names and a personal message. it touched me la.
MISS TAN!! YOU'LL BE MISSED!!!

anyway, after school yesterday, went lunching with mel and shauna, then proceeded for towning..
accomplished quite a bit today, with melanie getting a free handbag!!gah!
then went to kongkong's house for dinner in where he made brilliant sandwiches followed by me having a massage on the massage chair. I FELL ASLEEP! like a pig i'm telling you!
then came home..

today went for training and had the most horrible stomache crams~!!
tried my best though..
then came home got ready then went with family to arab street to look for yiyi's fabrics..

miss tan. on behalf of the whole class, just wanna say that we'll miss you dearly and will not forget how your presence affected us in the most delectable way! it was wonderful having you as one of our form teachers and i guess you have carved your name deep in each of our hearts. good luck for your future and you will not be forgotten. love you!

not feeling good.
everythings happening so fast.
one moment i'm happy the next im sad.

anyway. watched some cartoon during ss today.. wasnt bad actually. on the other hand, it was quite touching. slacked the day away.
then went to compass swensens with mummy for lunch before proceeding back to school for track.
very slack today la!! did lotza talking wif my wonkas. love yal!
then jiahao released us earlier cox it was raining so it was quite impossible to train.
oh me and mel saw rainbows created by cars (=

I'M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE JUNE HOLIDAYS


mel,
your gonna be gone for the whole june holidays.
how am i gonna cope without your melanie-ness?
please remember to take care and use moisturizers so your skin wont peel ok babe?
you know i'll miss you!
think of me okay.
i cant wait for tml and monday!!
I LOVE YOU!

MY EYES ARE FREAKING SWOLLEN .


and i'v been having the most horrible breakouts.
arh. i'm becoming a monster.

report book coming out in 2 days.
freaking paranoid.
somebody save me!!!

things have not been good. )=
when will things start to look on the brightside?
holidays are coming and i'm feeling so dull and dumb.
where has the holiday mood drifted to!!

had this lame activity in school today la.
made my eyes swell even bigger. now my eye looks like a damn fishball.
but at least my rocket flew (=
scorching hot weather la.
after school went with classmates for lunch though i din have any, then came home..
got freaking tution later then going grandpa's place for dinner.
then going to the doctor for my eyes.


my sim cards arriving tonight

its been a long time!

i have not been updating this junk. HOHO
anyway. i'm gonna skipskipskip.

have been having the wierdest dreams.
arh.


have been chalet-ing the past few days and now i'm beat.
after school on thursday came home gt bathed then mummy came to pick me up then left to check in. played pool with my darling cousin. then rotted away in the arcade. there goes my bling): in the evening went to jumbo seafood for dinner.. FULL.
then went back chalet talked and talked.
intended to skip school. but went in the end to get my papers back.
speaking of this. mark my words. i'm gonna fail my chinese real badly. oh the shame.
well what can i do? if its meant to be its meant to be..
what can i do to pull up my chinese grades?!!
o well. passed my physics (: oh and the interhouse games were a total bore. spent most of the time slacking with my babes.
straight after school took a bus to cousins place then uncle danny picked me up and headed back to the chalet..
played pool again. arcaded a bit then went swimming. LOL.
we took so much pictures the lifeguard even teased us.
hoho. then went back to chelt just in time for bbq. quite proud of myself. i actually bbq-ed some stuff.
spent the night slacking away. i mean what else do you do at chalets?
b4 sleeping i realized i forgot to bring my contact lenses case. omg. i was thinking. shit i have to sleep with my contacts on. but just as the thought flashed through my mind, a brilliant idea popped out. :
i took two coffee cups from the cabinet, took two saucers from the rack, down half a bottle of my lense solution in and drowned my pathetic lenses in! hoho! oh and to ensure no unwanted bacteria went in, i covered them with the saucers. HOHO. am i not smart!
woke up early cox had to go school for training. blopers.
sengteck took over training today. and poor him. i was complaining so much! felt so sleepy cox of previous nites sleep and so i had to crap around to keep myself awake!
i was feeling so stoned. dunno why. and because of this, sengteck called me a princess! HAHA. ok wheres my crown?
den played soccar-tennis. i always found this a dumb game. but somehow today, things changed. COX I SCORED A FEW POINTS!! HAHA!
oh well. after training went to get my beloved chocolate. AHH. the joy. then came back.. mummy wants to go swiming later. ah. time to diet sarah! no more chocs. and start exercising!
please let this last.

tip of the day:
in order to keep chlorine out of your hair when swimming, wet your hair first.
apperently, this would help lessen the amount of chlorine attacking your hair.

source:mummy and magazines

I NEED YOU!

papa.. the mention of your name makes my heart shatter into uncountable pieces.
every look of a happy family makes me yearn for you.
i miss you so. but i dare not say it.
i need a dad ,papa.
hear my calls.
come back to me. teach me things a father teaches.
care for me like all fathers do. give me your fatherly hugs give me your love.
make me feel loved by a man close to myself.
let me know your there for me to lean on. let me know you'll catch me when i fall.
tell you new family to fcuk off and make room for me.

i want to talk to you. so badly.



i just want you in my life

the last few days have been so nice!


ok on thursday,after exams went home then go tready and waited for shauna and mel to come.
then we headed to town for a movie.. AQUAMARINE. and omg! the guy in it is sooo hot please~!
it was a good show la. as usual the emotional me couldnt keep the tears in.

then after that went home..

friday. woke up got ready then sent hannah to kongkong's house..
NYAIMA AND I ARE GETTING CLOSER!! YAY!
so then recieved maylins call then went to meet her in tao payoh..
then headed to town.. I HAD FUN! and i cant believe i towned for two days in a row!!! yayayay!
then we decided to take neos.. but ended up taking the card one.
then had longjohn lunch..
after the outing, went to meet mummy at united square.. then had char siew rice for dinner. yummy. walked around a bit and guess what. i saw maylin again. freakishly coincidence.

saturday. spent the day rotting in mummy's office. it was quite fun though.. talked to guat ping cheche and i only screwed up one transaction. it wasnt really my fault though.. stupid customer just blew up at guat ping cheche.
oh well. then mummy sent some of her staff back. we were at woodlands and i brought back so many precious childhood memories. then me mummy hannah and guat ping cheche headed to tanglin mall for pizza! good dinner at spaggedies. then went to look at the new designs in birkinstock.. AH I WANT THEM! so damn nice la! oh well.
then heres the fun part! as we were going out of the car park.. mummy opened the sunroof. and i poked my head out!! ahh! the fun! then mummy drove out of tanglin mall with me standing with my head out of the roof! HAHA! the best part was at the main road, there was this hothothot ang mo guy with his petite but beautiful girlfriend. and he said hi to me!!! AHHH I WAS SO HAPPY PLEASE! SO I WAVED LIKE A DORK BACK TO HIM@ AHAH! EVERYBODY WAS STARING! then to add on to the fun. guat ping cheche and hannah joined me along mount pleasent. the air was soooo cool! i cant wait to do it again! ohohohoh! and i witnessed an accident. omg. we were driving into the reservoir so i could stick my head out, and this red car came speeding along. really really fast! so then as we u turned back, we saw that the car was crashed into a drain. EW. scary la! and i was like screaming for mummy to stop. but she said it was too risky cox we were all girls.. so there i left them in pain like that.
then mummy decided to go for a car wash.. the guys washing the cars were quite cute la! lol all so muscular. so then mummy singed thid package with them. she paid $60 for 23 coupons which would entittle her to 23 washes. then the guy gave her a free wash. HOHO.

sunday..
GOING TOWNING WITH MUMMY AND HANNAH TODAY! WHOO!
mummy wants to get her cosmetics. so isetan scotts it is!

there you go again.
leaving me in the lurk.
what do i do?





POA was horrible!! i think i'll be happy if i get 10/100. yup. that bad.
i couldnt balance the fucking accounts!!
MATH was hard as well. bah! well i hope i pass !
SS i couldnt concentrate!!!
GEOG was ok i guess.
CHEM. was quite easy la. but i doubt i can make it.

see. all my negativeness.
things are not going well.
everything's messed up. like wad a said.
my peace makers on vacation right now. and i have no i dea when its coming back.
fuckitfuckitfuckit

exams are over!!!!
stress is not over!!
happy i am. but thats it. i dont feel like screaming i dont feel like celebrating.
whats wrong with me? this time yesterday i was so awaiting this moment. and now, i dont treasure it.



now i'm patiantly waiting for my wonka's call and i'm outta the house!
might be meeting my babes afterwards too.

message to myself:
sarah. wads ur problem?
just yesterday you were looking forward to the fun you were gonna have today.
and now your completely opposing what you felt.
why? wads wrong?
believe in what you believe. dont go jumping into conclusions.
you'v been doing that alot. just remember from experiance.
it always comes back to you.
then you realize youv wasted your tears. things are not as bad as you expected them to be.
sarah get over it.
yes i know. i'm not myself. i know i'm sucha pain.
but i cant help it.
gah. everytime i break down i feel so lame.
wads up with me? i dont know.
i do want an answer though. why do i have to be the one suffering?
why am i invisible?
i know it came back to me.
but what if it doesnt this time?
i try not to jump into conclusions. but sometimes thats what it seems to be.






STOP IT SARAH STOP IT!

the kindda trouble time creates.
fuck it la.
if time just freezes everything would be alright.
i wont have to worry bout tomorrow or what might happen next




what happened?
was it my fault?
what did i do?
why the sudden cold shoulder?
am i supposed to react to this?
do i go down on my knees just to save this sudden war?
your driving me insane.
whathappenedwhathappenedwhathappened.








i am so fucking paraniod by this.
breaking down. crying. whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy




LET THIS COME TO A CONCLUSION!

omg. how do i start.

i'v been so troubled lately.
so many things happening.
i try to console myself. "its cox of the exams"
we'r drifting la. i dont know if yal feel it. maybe too caught up in your new lives.
arh. if thats the way it has to be. i think i'll flip.
many a time i find myself looking for new ways to make this work.
i try. but do yal?
maybe you dont feel my grieve. wad can i do?
i yearn for that lovely outcome.
i desire the best.
but it takes two hands to clap.
i'v raised my hand. when will yal?

you know. tell me straight in the face if you find me a pain.
i dont like wondering. i dont like guessing.
its hard enuf without me there ensuring my presence.
every little bit count babes.

the more i think about it , the more broken i feel.
have i lost my place?

should i try to talk?
will my voice be heard?

are you aware of how you make me feel baby.
right now i feel invisible to you like i'm not real.



chinese paper sucked today.
i lost my concentration.
ah. my whole lives a mess.
i need a life manager! anyone?




i'm speechless.
not in a good wy though.
i'v run out of flooding words.
i'm not prepared for the race.
though it seems so tempting.
but what if i dont win.
















I GIVE UP

EXAMS!
EXAMS!
EXAMS!
EXAMS!
EXAMS!

days have been passing by rather quickly...

290406

went out to study wif jeremy -leon-yingcong
haha quite fun la..
got home at bout 9+?

300406

had mummy's company's chalet..
i spent $25 dollars in the arcade la!!
gah gine liddat! i think its such a waste of money.
then played pool wif yiyi and uncle danny. i'm improving!
than bowled with aunty lisa's 2 sons. damn funny la they all!


010506

went back to the chalet again.. spent another 5 dollars on games. and pool.
then went home to get ready for school.

040506

had englsish and maths today.

ARH! I'M GONNA FAIL!

ps: oxygen! i' gonna have my ice cream!

after school went to meet mummy then had lunch at thomson plaza..
couldnt eat cox my stomache ache came again.. mummy says she'll bring me to the doctor to get a full chack up. blah!
it was such a long walk back to the car. i almost cried cox of the pain..
wadeva.





fuck you.
you'v let me down once again.
i dont know what else to say about you.
i look forward to recieving good news. but every mention of your name is in dark lights.
why do you have to make such a bad reputation for yourself?
i want so much to tell you i love you. cox i really do.
but you gave me no reason to do so.
if i say those three words to you. i'll have to queation myself
are those words empty?
i miss your care.. your presence.
but in the light of these events. i'm starting to wonder if you really are you.



SO WHAT IF I MISS YOU


hehe!! i'm still waiting!