sarah

Sunday, July 30, 2006

sometimes i wonder why i'm so happy even though i know i can never get you.
just knowing we are friends or even just talking to you makes my day.
i know your heart is somewhere else. yet when we talk i forget about everything else. i dont care what you think outside of our conversation.
i dont understand why i am so easily contented. has my heart already accepted the fact that it would be impossible for me to get my desires thus blocking out any possible fantasies when we talk?
one word from you can make my dull and dark day happy.
its that simple.

sarah writes/ 7/30/2006 04:51:00 PM

i'v pretty much recovered from my tonsilities.
on friday, mummy brought me to the polyclinic to get a referal to kk hospital for my operation which would be end year.. then came home and slept some more.
in the evening, went for our walk. i started off with a very aching calf but thought nothing of it. we walked 6km that night..
had a really good sleep.
woke up on saturday morning with very painful calves. credits to the walk the previous night. boo.
so anyway. slacked quite a bit then got ready to go stage image to get my leotard bloch shoes and pink tights. then headed home. family came at night for our dinner and regular chats. funfunfun (: then went into the jacuzzi for awhile cox it was so darn cold. the hot water did me good . aaaahhhhhhh
this morning was horrible. mummy woke me up at 7am to get ready for our morning walk. but the worstest thing happened. my whole calf was numb!! i tried moving it but it hurt so much!!! so i decided to try standing up to see how bad it was. mymymy i almost died!! the pain was so intense! i couldnt even stand up straight! mummy was laughing so much at me!! how could she! hah! i mean here i am in pain and she's laughing. gah
oh well. anyway i'v been moving around the whole house on wheels. (thank you study room roller chairs<3)no>

sarahlovesmccully
sarahlovesmagkali
lol

sarah writes/ 7/30/2006 11:28:00 AM

for ice cream. yumyum
had a really good sleep.
woke up on saturday morning with very painful calves. credits to the walk the previous night. boo.
so anyway. slacked quite a bit then got ready to go stage image to get my leotard bloch shoes and pink tights. then headed home. family came at night for our dinner and regular chats. funfunfun (: then went into the jacuzzi for awhile cox it was so darn cold. the hot water did me good . aaaahhhhhhh
this morning was horrible. mummy woke me up at 7am to get ready for our morning walk. but the worstest thing happened. my whole calf was numb!! i tried moving it but it hurt so much!!! so i decided to try standing up to see how bad it was. mymymy i almost died!! the pain was so intense! i couldnt even stand up straight! mummy was laughing so much at me!! how could she! hah! i mean here i am in pain and she's laughing. gah
oh well. anyway i'v been moving around the whole house on wheels. (thank you study room roller chairs<3)>noway

sarah<3mccully>right

sarah writes/ 7/30/2006 11:28:00 AM

Friday, July 28, 2006

thank you so much ms mccully. (=
though i'll only see you after national day. thank you so much for this chance. i will not give up. i promise.

miss chan called mummy today. wheets. miss mccully has accepted me back in ballet.
heres what happened. i'v been dancing for 8yrs.
technicaly i started at age of 5. cox mummy thought i was too "wood".
in these 8 yrs of dancing, i performed for the ballet school twice.
once for the mexican ambassy and once for the concert held at victoria threatre.
then in sec 1 i quit. cox of track and field. i have to admit though, that in the last 2 years. i have never lost intrest in my ballet. many times i found myself wishing i never quit in the first place. yet i though it was all too late. until recently. mummy urged me to restart ballet. and i was thinking.
why not? this could be the time to restart my intrest since track and field has been closed down in my school.
miss mccully is busy with the national day dance now. but she has requested for me to start class on aug5. and she said she would only start teaching after national day.
for now, i have to go buy my leotards and ballet shoes at beach road.
all the best to me <3

sarah writes/ 7/28/2006 12:14:00 PM

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

no answer. i knew it. now i'm just so afriad. what wud hapen on friday?
i swear this is the worst point of my life.
everythings a mess.
i just want answers.

sarah writes/ 7/25/2006 10:11:00 PM

10 years ago. i found myself walking into a dance studio.
"The Royal Acadamy School of Dancing". no one could imagine the fear in me.
i was one who never really opened up. i was the odd one in class who dreaded going to the playground.
at a mere age of 5. i was made to face the major turning point of my life. BALLET.
nobody knows the significance ballet holds for me. though fearful in the first lesson, i loosened up after awhile.
i engaged with the dance steps and expressed my feelings into movements. that was the joy of dancing.
ballet changed me from a shy-touch-me-not girl. to a more adventurous more curious girl.
i spent 8 years dancing in the studio. with miss sylvia mccally being the most strictest yet the most caring dance instructor i ever met or ever want to know. she moulded me. form a hard piece of clay into the softest plasticine.she let me realize how i could express myself in dancing.
the dance studio was like my second home.
somewhere along the line. phillipa came into the picture. the first time i met her was when i changed from a saturday class to a sunday class. she stood out from the rest. she had the confidence a dancer should have that i never saw in any of the other dancers. the ballet teachers praised her. and i could feel she knew she was good. she was my motivation. i wanted to be like her.
we became friends. and slowly grew closer. we'd express ourselves in ballet together. share different dance moves, different stretching and different comments after each class.
the both of us paired up so well during class. synchronizing so well we seemed like twins.
we both advanced smoothly into grade 3 together. but in the mid of grade4. she had to leave for america as her dad got posted in his job. we danced for the last time in a concert called "An evening with tchyvoischy" it took 3 weeks of intensive training in order to prepare for the huge concert.
then she left. the next week i felt as if i was walking into class feeling a little naked. a wierd sense of lose. like some part of me was missing. i was too young to understand that the missing ingredient was actually my dear friend phillipa. my inspiration. i started performing worse and worse in class as i never ever dared open up as freely as i did with phillipa.
when i reached sec 1 , i told myself that was it. i dreaded going for ballet as the teachers would ask. "why are you deproving so much? since phillipa left, your so much more anti-social." i was so afriad of those words.
i hated being compared to her.
i quit ballet. though i have to admit i have never lost intrest for it. the burining desire to dance and to express myself still lights in me.
now i'v decided. phillipa has gone far in dancing. she's performing very well. going for ballet camps and all. who knows? next my bestfriend in the past may just be the top ballerina in the world. i dont want to lack behind her. only to be known as the girl who quit. i'm going to persue my desire. so miss mccally. please give me a chance. 9.00pm is drawing soon. its now or friday.

sarah writes/ 7/25/2006 08:41:00 PM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

for the first time i feel a little better.

the last few days has been good and bad..
well all i can say is i've tried my best and if this is the outcome planned then theres nothing else i can do. all i can say is i'm just happy we'r on talking terms.. i still hope things get better..
goofed around alot during class today. haha. bubbles + laughter. ah the fun (=
then got back physics paper and i got a freakin 8/20!! ah i need to buck up. someone pull me away from maple)=
well anyway after school went for lunch with meijun and maylin and they found out my long term secret!! so babes please please PLEASE keep it a secret. hah. i'v even got it down in black and white. after lunch went back to school with them. went to library and chatted lotza!! haha i'm one happy girl man. (=

oh and i just leveled for maple

sarah writes/ 7/18/2006 05:48:00 PM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

FRIENDSHIP

to me. friendship is one hell of a important aspect in my life.
friends cheer me up. avoid my costant feeling of lonliness.
you know there will be no rejection in friendship.
yet if each ont involved does not know or share the same defination of friendship, problems starts brewing.
to me. friendship means entrusting that person. understanding that person, learning to feel for that person.
friends are people whom you can goof around with and feel comfortable. you dont have to worry bout the outlooks cox to your friends your beautiful no matter what.
but unfortunately. some others find that friends are just a picture in reality to show that you have company.
to just show outsiders that you are not alone. and when something bad happens, you laugh in your heart and spread the bad news.
not everybody can have the perfect friendship. it involves gives and takes.
you have to be willing to sacrifice sometimes more than others for a friendship to work out. you also have to be ego enough to pick up what your friends have dropped. then repay it back to patching up what friends dont like about the current friendship. dont ever take friends for granted. you think friends will always be beside you with on effort? wrong. as long as you leave anything alone for too long. it will start to stray, rot and move on. friendship cant wait for you.

sarah writes/ 7/16/2006 10:14:00 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

darling. i'm so sorry. i really am. i knew something was wrong. had i not read your entry, i would not have thought things were this bad. tell me what do i do now. i shrivel up when i see this happening. i detest having clique problems. why cant we just be contented with what we have? now you seem to have cosied yourself with some others. it hurts the living day lights out of me. i have started to accept that we have a new addition. it may be a good thing. in fact it has been.. before i started accepting. it seemed hard. but darling. not everything goes our way. and if we just look at it positively things could work out.why are you shying away from it? arent you sick of having disagreements every few months? i really dont know how to solve this. i'm so exhausted.

i dont think life has ever been worse. i'm crushed.things are changing so dramatically

oh gosh. i hate our new chemistry teacher. she like a zombie of some sort!! the whole class doesnt even bother listening?!! anyway class was ok today.
after school went with mel and shauna to j8.
then came home and got ready to go out for dinner with kong2.
went to this teo chew restaurant. yum. then took a night drive round singapore..

sarah writes/ 7/14/2006 11:22:00 PM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

someone please slap me awake. tell me to stop creating paradise. cox i cant seem to listen to myself
what would tommorow bring?

sarah writes/ 7/11/2006 08:04:00 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

ITALY BROUGHT HOME THE WORLD CUP

congratulations to them la. although i was honestly cheering for france the whole time. but the spagheti faces beat them in penalty. well thats the end of world cup and i'll ever so miss waking up in the wee hours to watcht the match and the sleepovers we'v been having.
anyway.. had hannah's birthday party yesterday. she invited sooo many friends!! i got a shock when i came out from my room la! swarming with kids everywhere! so we din get to go down for the bbq due to the bad weather. had a really nice loong party with the kids (= brought back lotza memories..
then in the evening went with cousin to pick up her friend ninnart from the bus stop to finish the left-over food hoho. had a nice long chat about prince is. then we took a walk around my place.. went to the tennis court, the putting green and even some alley i never knew existed in this condo! lol. then went home.. chilled awhile before sending ninnart and pun-dear (her sister) to the bus stop. then took another walk with cousin and talked bout prince is and school.. it was really nice and i enjoyed myself for the first time in many days.
then they all left.
next melanie-the-dumb came. went down to pick her up.
then came up to sleep before the match.
mel and i were falling asleep during the match la!! lucky i had my ever trusting gummi worms to sour me awake.
then in the morning woke up and took a morning walk to j8 to take the mrt to choa chu kang. mle bought her breakfast first. in the train. we slept again ha.
then took a bus from the station to the stadium.
warmed up and all. then i saw this hothot guy (= haha
then had macdonalds lunch with my wonka's laughed so much. really the dumbness from the both of them just cracks me up. i love them soo much <3
then went home.. mapled, did some chemistry then went for tution..
now mummy's having a very bad headache cox of the lasik eye drops she had to drop today. )=
i love you mummy take care

sarah writes/ 7/10/2006 09:02:00 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006

gemany's out. but guess what. i still love them.
i know stale news. but guess what. lifes been stale too.
worldcup finals: france vs. italy
all the way frace (:

i'v never felt worst.
my whole soul just snak the moment i heard it.
why why WHY? does this have to turn out this way??
i cant bear to see this slip out of my hands.
what can i do.

more details in my other bloggie

sarah writes/ 7/07/2006 06:44:00 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

i'll be staying up to watch the germany vs italy match tonight. (= germany please do me proud.
ps: mel i love you!! thanks for the klose thing!!

what do i do?
i'm so stressed up with life right now.
i keep giving hints to mummy telling her how much i wish for a daddy.
yet all she tells me is. easier said then done.
i tell her i dont mind step siblings but she says. its not easy to get along.
why? why not!? i havent even tried it.
this might be the stepping stone to bigger things.
this might be were i find my true family. why wont you give it a go?
i'm starting to get so jealous of everyone with a father.
theres only this much to the brim of the cup. and i think i'm overflowing.
why cant we have a decent conversation about us starting a new family?
i know i'm being bloody selfish. but what can i do? i'm in serious need for more care and attention.
even if it means you having to share your love with other children.
yet the more i think the more complex it becomes.
its true. what if there is no way this can work out?
what if what seemed to me to be the right thing turns out to be a complete disaster.
nothing goes right in my life.
sometimes i know im just kidding myself. diverting all my problems to another situation.
so now i'm so confused. i dont know which of my worries is really tearing me up.
1) is mummy really the case? do i really care that much for a normal family? to some extend yes. but the second pointer seems more applicable.
2) or is this misery really about prince charming of my love life?does he really mean that much to me?i'm afraid so. every free omet is dedicated to him. and all i stand is a friend to him. a pathetic friend. how am i gonna carry on living life this way? taking brave steps into the scary world. facing more than i can look at.
i always have this heavy heart
whenever i think bout him. cox i know things will never work out the way i want them to. i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e.
or does pointer 3 seem to be a more student like worry which would be correct for me
3) trainings been becoming bad to worse. mrs wong is literaly letting me rot. i know i'm not putting in effort. but she's not pushing me! and that drains all my hopes. today seemed to mark the end of trackandfield in xinmin forever.and all i can do is to fold my arms and watch this cca collapse.
all these things i guess are building up slowly in me. and i know someday soon i'll explode. die of misery.

thats the end of me. good~~bye~~ world

sarah writes/ 7/04/2006 07:44:00 PM

Monday, July 03, 2006

my whole bloody life is screwed up.

ok i dont know. maybe i should let things take place by themselves.

anyway. went to the beach on saturday evening. walked ALOT. and me and mummy tooka apicture together. i should post it. but o well. i scream L-A-Z-Y. so we'll see bout that. i did alot of thinking and finally i'v made up my mind. no more wild thoughts no more imagining things that just will not happen.
on sunday. woke up at 6am. then went to botanical gardens for our morning walk.. was nice.
then went to visit kongkong..
today, been painting my bedroom. green and now i;m green all over. gah. its bloody gross.

sarah writes/ 7/03/2006 03:09:00 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

GERMANY WON!!!! OH YAY OH YAY!!

ok so i haven been updating.
yesterday went with mel and shauna to town for my monthly dosage of towning.. i got my myuk wallet and we watched just my luck beyyyoootiful show. had so much fun.
then we left . followed mel to church to she could meet her friend emu(cool name eh) to get her play station back. then we headed back home.
went for a walk in the ever so refreshing seletar camp. then went back to get ready for the game.
it was so nice la! mel was wearing a dutchsland shirt and carrying a german flag and horn and i was wearing a german flag acting as a german waitress. ok so the game was scary. i was so scared argentina would win. but thanks to the penalty kicks. GERMANY WON!!
we were screaming so madly after the game. gosh.
today at training. i was like a zombie. so tired. we did throws then played soccor tennis. i got hit on the head by the soccor ball. ouch. hah. then went back to mels to shower b4 mummy picked me up. (= been sleeping and mapling. i leveled

sarah writes/ 7/01/2006 03:43:00 PM