I AM HORRIBLY EXHAUSTED.

havent been updating. hurhur.
anyway. i managed to do i split yesterday during pe!!! like finally i was able to rest my pelvis on the floor thank you!
anyway. my thigh got injured in the process. and now its horribly cramped.
so yesterday...
OHYA

after shooting mummy picked me up then we went to marina square!
walked around to look for yummy food cos we were like soooo hungry!
so we walked past billy bombers and this happened.

mummy: come lets eat here.
me: ok lo bomb then bomb.

and the waitresses laughed at me. then they said. please dont say bomb then bomb! you sound like ur moms gonna bomb up this place -.- HAHA but it was a good laugh then.so like i was a princess throughout the whole meal cos the waitors there were such darlings and attended to my every need including pouring the chilli out of the bottle. perfect (=
then went shopping!
bought my red pumps!! lovveeee it! its shocking red so you can see me walking from miles away!
then went to makeupstore and got my eyeliner!! green and sparkly! ka-ching!! and mummy got yellow-silver eye shadow. means we'r gonna share!!! yay!
then went to body shop after that to get my facial cleanser n mummy's foundation.

after shopping at these few stores, iv got a conclusion to make about sales people.
they bluff people!!
like at novo, when i was getting my pumps.. i tried on size 8 in black and size 9 in red. and size 8 fitted well. so i asked for size 8 in red AND they din have it )=
so then i was just about to walk away when the lady told me, "nonono this shoe has to be a bit bigger!!" so not true. heh but i ended up buying it anyway.
then in makeupstore, mummy was trying the different eyeliners on me and some were simply hideous. BUT the sales lady said " whoa. very nice!! shud buy shud buy." and even when my mom put on black eyeshadow on my eyes, ( which made me look like i just recieved a punch,) the lady said "wow your mom sure knows her way around makeup. this wud be a good buy." LIER!!!

ok enough bout that.
sports day today was a waste of time!
like each yr, sports day's getting more and more boring.
spent most of the time crapping with darlings at the back. the only time i really paid attetion to any of the races when when the oh-so-handsome mr singh ran!! AAHHHH
my husband i wish.
and prize giving was presented with us sitting on the field with the sun shining on us. SO HOT! dunno why the schoolm couldnt just let us sit in the stands.
jaguar got 3rd place )= sucks man.
anyway, ballet after that, couldnt dance properly cos of my thigh. distactingly painful.
just finished facial.
ok now im bored of typing so GOODBYE

but now, at thats left at all, is me, making up my fantasy.


yea i know your going through a rough time and i dont blame you. though i know i cant get through you, just hope you understand, that no matter what, here i am. countless times iv told you to cheer up its hard and maybe even impossible. so im leaving u alone for awhile. to let you settle what u want yourself. though i feel it may be unfair to me. im not complaining. i wont



请你不要伤我的心。
我信认你， 希望你了解我现在的原应。
我不会打扰你。 至到你觉得性情比较好。
我爱你。

iv been sick these 2 days so no school (=

spent my days rotting at home.
mummy came back on wednesday and we havent fought these 2 days!! miracle

went for a walk just now and it made me feel so much better.
im not going to depend on anyone but myself from now on.
i had to learn it the hard way but now im sure. everyone's selfish.
nobody cares about another person more than he does for himself.
all these while i thought this world was so friendly and trustworthy.
i thought i could trust someone with all my problems and expect them to keep mum and support me through everything. haha how wrong.
everyday i try to find a reason to why i feel like shit.
everytime i try turning to the people i trust, i get answers, but its doesnt really suffice. theres always theres empty something left out.
how happy am i to realize that FINALLY i know I am my only support. noones gonna care for me for than myself. i cant trust anyone more than myself.
also, i dont think its fair to other people if you show your unhappiness and expect them to compromise with you. haha cos noone would. you can continue crying and moaning but the world moves on. nobody would wait till your tears dry.
that said, iv decided NEVER to show anyone any signs of me being unhappy anymore.
haha iv gotta thank myself for finally getting into terms of everything that has been happening.
SO NOW I LIVE MY LIFE FOR MYSELF.




your being unfair to me.

AHHHH im feeling so sick now )=
didnt feel like going to school today but forced myself anyhow..
had to wear specs to school today cos my eyes were infected!! haha maylin said i looked interllectual.

didnt enjoy at all today.
did alot of thinking to during chinese today (haha cos as usual huang laoshi was hardly teaching)

after school went for KFC with darlings!! so much fun (= laughed like so much.
then went to NTUC HAHA and we saw mr tee!! were making so much noise but hell did i enjoy myself. it was like the best part of the day.


sorry if i caused it. i really am. i would take back everything i said if i could.

and yes. its so hard to know that other people are happy with their lifes

I AM PROUD OF MYSELF

i just finished sweeping, washing, mopping, dusting, clearing up and making my living place a more condusive place to breathe!!!!
ALL HAIL ME!

haha!! so since mummy's away i decided to take over the house and so i did ALL the household chores! yup and now my back's aching. but i did a pretty good job i assume.
i fell a couple of times cos i din squeeze the mop dry enough. and i ended up sneezing alooot!! but ahh the satisfaction!
so now i know. if all else fails (in terms of studies), i'll devote my life to keeping people's house clean!!! HAHA just $10 an hour!!

ok so. skipped ballet on sat cos of my throat. but like tuayi wanted to bring us out for diner so had to go.
then sunday decided to skip church too cos i still wasnt very well.
but in the afternoon went out with sister and darryl to town. bought my cap at last!!
sister payed for it though..
then today, fell asleep during humans quiz.
thats bout it. TOODLES

flames to dust
lovers to friends
why do all good things come to an end?

mummy's gone to m'sia for a week.. kinda miss her ready.
haha.

oh well. thursday in school was fine cept mrs ho confiscated ALL my books under my table again. GRR which means i v gotta pay $6 to claim it all back again. bloody hell. its like im a money machine to 409! just paid $6 3 days ago to get my books back and that $6 went to classfund. now another round of me donating money? NO HOPE! im so not gonna take back my books!
oh well.. after school came back home for tution then in the evening went to meet mel at j8 to study AND im proud to say we really did!!!

heh.

yesterday...
had chinese test in the morning.. damn scared i'll get like single digit cos the comphrehension was all based on your personal thoughts and i had difficulties writting the words i wanted in chinese. T.T
then was practice run for nafa.. came in first (= cos amanda slacked la! but had my cramps after that. as usual
slacked like crazy during physics. sometimes i do pity mr tee. like during his lessons, nobody listens!! and thats probably cos physics is the most boring-estest science subject you can find!
recess with darlings and ben as usual..
chem was in the lab. haha had fun with xue'e trying not to get out chemicals exploded.

left for home with wenyi,pooty,irene,leon and yingcong.. then went to safra after that.
SCARY MUCH. i almost got lost!
oh well. then met mel at her plc before leaving for town..
then met elaine and olivia.. thank u for the lollipop elaine ilaineeee
then wanted to catch a movie but the timings were all tooo late. bummer.

im falling sick now )= my throat was so painful i could hardly sleep last night and my whole body's aching.. dont think i can make it for ballet today..

why liddat?
its that the way u wanna leave things before u leave for a week?
just walk out with no instructions whatever.
sorry!!!!!!!

TUESDAY!!!

school was soso la
english first period. deadly of course. ah
then was poa.. HAHA was talking to mrs tan outside class with classmates then suddenly she asked about our class hamsters and why we brought it to poa class. haha o i started my whole sobsob story of the hamsters being lonely if we left them in class and i got insulted by mrs tan. she said " sarah, if u know so much bout their feelings then how come your not a hamster?" HAHA then i was stupid enough to tell her i tried the hamster food yesterday. tasted bad!!
o well. moving on. passed math locus test by like 1 mark only T.T sadded! am expecting worst results for transformation though..
after recess had chem. copied notes as usual. then mothertongue. haha was happily chatting with ben xuee and miaoxian. then came physics. had the horriblest-test sotmache ache during physice. SO PAINFUL!!

so like after class i practically limped to the other end of the level to meet pooty ben n wenyi. went to look for mrs ho after that. fuck la. i had to pay $6 just to get my books that she confiscated back!!! AH so irritating!!!

after that went to compass with wenyi n poot. was suffering with the stomache ache the whole way. thanks ben, for carrying my bag.

and now. to face the most dreaded. i gotta go safra )=

iv got alot to say.

haha so holidays have past so quickly.
sunday after church went for the gig thing.. turned out pretty fun.
then monday was back to school for chinese mock exam [which i'd definately fail]
followed by kampong glam trip..
b4 had a talk with darlings and i felt so much better after that. (=
the kampon glam thing was quite fun.. dont expect it to be so haha.
forgot all bout my doubts and unhappiness and was able to laugh and enjoy with my classmates.. thanks to the guys in class who were so eager to bash the chee ko pek for me HAHA although they din in the end cos i like couldnt recognise which was the chee ko pek.
then went with wenyi and wenan to kovan to repair wenan's fone..
was feeling darn bad then.. but wenyi's message brightened me up.
had a fight with mummy when i got home.
tuesday met darlings for breakfast. then off to school for chinese..
after school went towning with TML.
in the evening went out with mel to study.
wednesday had a fight with mummy in the morning.
then went out together [me, mummy and sister] for the whole day. surprisingly after the fight in the morning everything went super smoothly throughout the day, drove in to m'sia to spend time with laoyi's there.
thurs went to do my hair thing then met joel for awhile..(=
after that home and had yet another fight with mummy.
friday had shooting :/ then tution. in the evening went out with young uncles to town..
had a good chat with darryl gugu..
had a fight with mummy again.
sat had ballet and shooting..
first thing when i walked into the shooting range, i got told off my coach )= complained that i havent gone to safra and all. im gonna be so busy i dont even wanna think about it now.
ballet was even worse. ms mccully kept commeting about my hair. AH
sunday was church then lunch then mummy called to say she was gonna pick me up. had a small fight with her over the fone. )=

ok done.
lastly. i wanna say thank u to jeremy for the advice on how to solve my quarells with mummy..
and maylin for having such good and heartfelt talks these few days.

its come to a point where i dont even have the strength to care

SO TIRED!! i typed out a whole post and it dissapeared!!!

tried blogging. but i cant.
dunno wad to say.
maybe everythings layed out so clearly in front of me. i should just make myself look at the big picture and do what's appropriate.

when i need you you'r not there. babe. wads happening.


haha i told myself that from today onwards i will live my life for myself. i will be happy no matter wad

din go school again today.
haha cos stomache wasnt fully recovered and also cos i was shopping till like 11 plus last night.

oh well.
before leaving house yesterday, had a big fight with mummy.
shant elaborate. all i can say is the more time i spend with her the more fights we get ourselves into.
anyway, mummy patched things up again as usual. pretending nothing happened in the first place.
bought alot of things last night. (=

woke up this morning with tummy hurting again so went to the toilet to relieve it. harhar! yep, then watched step up with sister.
going for shooting later..
then its girls night out with melanie!!







and you, please dont pretend you care. maybe it was wrong in the first place.

back frm school..

my books got confiscated by mrs * -.-
like aloooot of them. sickening. )=
oh well.. todays lessons were soso.
2 and a half hours of mrs * though. the horror.
oh and class 409's sitting arrangements changed as well.. so goodbye xue'e )= hello siti!! (=
After school came straight back cos maylin had match and wenyi had art..

teacher andrea's(tution teacher) boyfriend got into an accident today!!!
she was having lessons with me then suddenly her phone rang. her boyfriend called to say a car collided into his just as he left my place after dropping her off. eyer so scary.
so she rushed down.. expected it to be just a minor accident but when mummy back back frm her car service thing she told me she saw an ambulance outside!! my heart dropped!!
so then mummy asked me to bring teacher andrea's bag down for her so she could follow the ambulance.
went down with sis then saw alot of people around the accident area.. the cars were in bad shape but no one was dead. haha!! teacher andrea's boyfriend had alot of wounds though.. his head was bandaged and so was one of his eyes.
tsktsk.

thats all for today..
i miss you!

sleepy days

school was ok today..
had poa and math test today.
then for chem went to lab. had to heat the chemicals haha i almost burnt the whole solution. haha!! oh and i passed chem test!! 25/30. yay!
after school went to town with wenyi n pooty.
saw allott of stuff at everlast that i wantwantwant!!!!
then came home.
went to cafe cartel for dinner. ate something wrong there i think. now im having vry bad tummy cramps. i think it was the salad. HAHA
anyway went shopping for grandpa's boxers. picked out 4 for him.
then bought a few thinggys and now home.





i call, and you dont answer.
and now i realize you'v been contacting sis all these while. why ignore me?
i wonder what role you play in bringing me up. the only thing i got frm u for my birthday was a three minute call. and now, you dont give a fuck on whats happening to me. everytime u tell me you love me i have doubts. cos your actions never show me you care. i HATEHATEHATE you like crazy!!!
now its like i dont even have a father.
now i just thank you for donating your sperm so i can live.

monday blues :/

woke up feeling waywayway sleepy today. fell asleep while bathing! haha!
then i went into my room to tie my hair, decided to lie down for awhile, and fell asleep again -.-
slept in the bus all the way to school as well.
anyway, this is the last week b4 march holidays!!! YAY

school dint start off too well today.. had attire check for my class and 306 or was it 307?? oh well.
pulled my skirt all the way down until it almost burst again, and mrs ho passed me. haha she even said "good"! then she saw my earholes and said they looked like i punched my ears using puntures. dumb! my holes are so tiny how can she ever think i punched them? then got caught for my nails. AH!! now i have hardly any nails!
oh well.
then had chinese test. hopefuly i can pass? then had ss test during assembly. SCREWED IT UP. !and i failed my poa test. no surprise there. but 3.5 / 30? my goodness. sadness ok
yep so thats my tests. all squeezed on monday. and tmr, its locus maths test. oh man the headache.

after school went lunch with may at j8.. then home.

goodbye.

haha ok 2nd post.
the only reason i cos im freaking bored.
im alone in this dark house. im scared )=

sooo bored!
yesterday went for shooting in the morning.. then coach asked me to go safra to train..
probably gonna be on weekday nights..
then went for ballet..
broke a toenail. *ouch*
haha mummy had her exhibition so me and sister spent the night rotting away.

then went for church this morning..
skipped bible study.. then went to coffee bean to talk with may and her sister.
then headed back to church for combined service. then ______ ___ _______ __ ___ _____ _____ ____. )= rather skip that part
then had lunch.. cindy n may walked me to the train station, thn trained with deborah to citihall..
walked to suntec then helped mummy at the exhibition booth for a while. then decided to come home.
haha and i realized iv got no dinner again.
so im left alone again tonight.. mummy's exhibition only ends at 10..

oh and so many people are falling sick!
first my sister, then mummy, then joel, now jaslyn..
ps: joel and jaslyn, GET WELL SOON!

im having a headache!
so painful!


went out with family last night for farewell dinner with aunty sharon and uncle gary.post the pics another time..
had a quarell with mummy half way thru )=
seems like spending more time with her only increases our squabbles.

went to school today then realized had to assemble in the hall cos it was raining.
so went up.. then had the o lvl registration thing.
class was ok la. slept during geography then woke up with the headache.
now waiting for tution..