ok so i got distracted the whole of the morning.
but first let me talk about matter that has affected me for 10years. and that is my sister.
ignore this is u want.


i cannot believe we are of the same blood. to be even connected to her is the biggest curse in the world.
the sight of her when she gives those fucking-disgusting-think-she-knows-it-all-look turns me off. she makes my blood boil. her voice makes my head spin. her presence makes my skin tighten. to think i share the air i breathe with her makes me never want to breathe again.
and to think all these while i'v been caring and showing all my concern.
all she ever takes me for is someone who takes care of her when mummy's gone.
someone who comes as a last resort. someone whom she thinks she can take advantage of just because i'm older and have to give in to her. somebody tell me are all sister like this? is this how a sister is supposed to be? no fucking respect at all. she never ever thinks of my needs or my prefrences. everything revolves around her.
she has to be right in everything.
everytime she hurts me. all i hear is a little squeak of "sorry" and thats all i get. after that she expects things to go back to normal. she expects me to forget the pain she has inflicted on me. while on the other hand, i get hell even if i so much as touch her a little harder than supposed to. what? she's the queen? do i owe her anything? now even my usage of the computer has to revolve around her. my mother, who refuses to get wireless so we can all get to use the computer at the same time has just set a rule that each person only gets 45mins to use the computer at each time. what fucking logic is this?? like please. all she ever does is to go to her stupid 456.net to play those disgusting games which i think she enjoys only because she can steal the computer away from me even it if were for awhile.
now thats like only one small part of everything.
her leaving her plates unwashed and expecting me to clear it up for her. and she never gets the blame. i mean never. the next thing i know is mummy screaming at me saying i'v left dishes around. for heavens sake, sometimes its obvious i'm not the one because i'v already had lunch outside. yet in mummy's eyes everything is me. hanah is the angel with no faults.
another thing, the study table. just about 4months ago the both of us quite had enough of each other as we were sharing the study table and her stuff would always end up occupying 3/4 of the table. so we divided the table into half. i was to keep my side clean while she keep hers. all these while i'v been clearing up maing sure my table is not in a mess. but once i lift my eyes to look over at her side, its filled with papers stacked so high it blocks my view of the window. when i tell her nicely, hanah can you please clear your table. she answers , its not your side why should you care. wtf. this is why now i dont even give a hoot if there are insects crawling all over her table, or snakes sleeping on her chair.
if i were to go on about her i think i will never end.
comparing the times in taiwan and now. i cannot believe things has changed so much. we were the perfect sisters in taiwan. making sure we each had enough to eat, when i fell sick she gave up her seats for me. and now everything is the complete opposite. is singapore really hating me or is my sister some disgusting split personality person.
all i know is i cannot believe we are of the same genes.