right. so im sick of typing all my sob-sob-stories of my oh-so nothing with cow.
so hopefully this would be the last one.
no need for me to introduce cow again i guess. all these months of conversations.
these past 2 weeks of chatting has set me thinking.
the thoughts sent me back to last yr. when everything except one thing was so different. we were able to converse eye to eye, laugh and have fun like any other friends do. only thing that i had was my heart thumping so hard almost every second he was there.
then every school holiday seemed to repel us further away frm each other.
into the second half of the year. things went real bad. downhill. no more happy conversations, and i had to wait for just one sentance to make me happy. and even then everything to me was a mess. and it hurt.
but that wasnt the worst. hah. worst still after the end yr exams. not even a single word would be exchanged. and now. its broken down to nothing. just thinking of this makes me feel so dejected. many a time i find myself fantacising the impossible.
then i decided to be brave. i revealed to him wad had been kept a secret. i hoped it will improve. yet i set 2 visions. one, i wished things wud stay the same. two, everything to break down to nothing. sad to say, number 2 is taking place right now. i guess no words can describe wad my deprived depressed and tired heart is going through now. i never ever wanna fall like this again. so deep and so one sided.
and now. even the chats online are strained and gone.
if only someone understands the strain i put on myself.
as i jot down the chornicles, i realize that every string of communicaton between us has perished. but one thing is for sure. no matter how hard i try, the feelings i have towards this cow, have not tarnished. in fact. as we drift, the feelings grow deeper.
but now it has come to the point where i have no choice but to believe in wad fate is giving me. the end maybe this is the cue for me to cut off all links. cos the orange blinks at the bottom of my moniter is gone. cow, one last time. i love you