skipped school today. my eyes are swollen la.. painful very much! )=
iv never felt so weak before. iv never felt the whle world collaspe on me so hard before. after all thats happened. iv come to a conclusion that this is the hardest period for me. now no matter how i turn my focus to my studies. images of the recent past keeps bombarding me with regret and hate. maybe we'r not matured enough. maybe we plunged into it too fast. honestly speaking i have been having doubts since the first day the drama started. i never imagined things would really move so fast. though i felt blissful, i knew i wasnt going to last. last night as jeremy and i talked about this topic, all i could feel was regret and remource. what he said was so fucking damn true. and once those words registered in my mind, i felt like the biggest fool on earth. why did i agree to those doings? now that you dont even care anymore. we agreed to make this last. but im wondering, why even start this when u yourself knew your werent ready for it? that is what made me feel like throwing a dagger at you. after jeremy shared this phrase with me, "would you rather choose the devils body or the angels face?" that set me thining. wad was it you wanted? ah im at complete loss now all i wanna do is curdle up in my avoid all these thoughts. iv decided its the worst thing to have relationships while studying. im feeling like iv lost a part of myself that belonged to me. everyday i put on a happy face. to fake a facade so i dont seem weak to people around me. truth is. this is something so hard to digest. its like a nightmare hauting me. to pretend nothing has happened and to let go seems like something so impossible. how am i supposed to erase wad happned on those three occasions? im sick of it. now you my dear. im hurting for u. iv never seen you so moody before. really girl. i dont understand why you would want to inflict such pain on yourself. now from my point of view i can see whats happening so clearly. and thus come to a comclusion that realtionships at this age just causes more problems for us. girl i know your matured i know you sensible. therefore i urge you to pick youself up well. you'v gotta be strong. be thankful this is just the beginning girl. pray for him. lovers turning into friends. you know that phrase girl. you gotta face up to it. we are all immature. believe it or not. no matter how steady the relationship is. you must remember that we are still young. nothing lasts forever and you must have a mental reminder for that. relationships now are for you to feel for someone but not give your life up for the person. we are in our teen years and not even into our 2nd decade of our lives. if we upset ourselves with such things, how are we gonna move on? ponder about this girl
sarah writes/ 4/25/2007 09:56:00 AM
profile
my name is sarah
i love talking
im like any human being in this world
i brought joy to this world on 25 december 1991
i like to laugh
i dont like to cry
i love god
i love everyone important to me
and most importantly i love myself
